It had become a full job for one person just to price charter flights.We finally were getting enough replacement rental cars into the system that there were extras sitting around. There were 10 parked in the parking garage to use for general transportation when we needed them.The Warrington group was going to spend four days on intense physical training, mixed in with Jamie's weapons course. They would drive the Warrington cars back Friday morning, along with the North six, in the five remaining unmarked cars.Mark was driving the box truck loaded with the office equipment. Jenny, Vicky, Ching Lee and i were flying down in the King Air to get the office up and rolling along with patrol routes.At nine Jenny and I left to go to the doctor. I carried the packet of information that the clinic had sent with the big canister. As usual an appointment was in name only; we waited in her waiting room an hour. It took Jenny half an hour to fill out the patient information, and then we were. I literally cannot learn from my mistakes, but am forced towatch myself make them again and again and again. Sometimes, I wish I could just not grab that cord, but of course, I haveto. I am a puppet to my own past, and no matter what, the dance willcontinue. Its almost time for me to go. One of the worst parts of what's about to happen is I wont even be ableto cry. In fact, I will smile as I go up to the lab, even while I amscreaming and crying inside. If only something, anything would change! If I were a religious person, I would pray to God for release, even fordeath. But I can not even change that. But maybe, if you are, maybe youcould spare a prayer for me, assuming that God isn't bound by the law ofTime like us humans? Please?"Dawn saved the entry and printed it out, leaving it attached to theprinter. She went to the door, and stopped at a mirror and checked hermakeup, and then left the apartment. By the time she was gone halfwaydown the street, no sign of her inner conflict.
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